The Funniest Thing I've Read in a Long Time...

Okay, so part of the youth ministry here at LPC is a leadership development program called Mission:Unlimited. This year, the group is going on a service trip to Ecuador. In order to raise funds for this trip, we are doing a Gala Dinner in a few weeks (if you're interested in coming, contact me for tickets).

So at this dinner, each youth has a table that is designated as theirs. They'll have their picture on it and a 1-page write-up telling the guests a little about themselves.

This is what Nigel Barry gave us for his write-up. This is his best attempt at selling himself to a group of Christians who will be potentially be sponsoring him to go on this trip. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:

"Hello, my name is Nigel "The Rifle Rack" Barry. I am 18 years old and am graduating from St. Andrews this year (unless I fail, then I guess I'll be doing it again! lol). Anyways, in my spare time, I like destroying things like ant-hills with illegal explosives imported from eastern Romania. I also enjoy catching fish, then eating them shortly after as it makes me feel like a dinosaur or a cave-man. When I am tired, I simply fall asleep wherever it is that I am. I don't care what people think about me. When I was three years old, I ate a worm.

I'm also quite intrigued by way, but I don't really agree with the whole idea of killing people, so I play video games instead. Imagine if in war, they weren't allowed to use guns, or other shooting projectiles/gasses, and could only throw eggs, baby carrots, and rabbit droppings... Hitler would not be famous.

I have amazing dreams both in colour and in sound where I accomplish great feats, but forget them as soon as I wake up. I once skied my way down from the top of Mount Everest with an injured fellow strapped to my back. I can drive with my eyes closed, I can't stand the sound of people chewing, and I once wrestled an armadillo. I am the reason for the rising price of oil. Once in a while, when I'm feeling frisky, I'll go for a walk in the park wearing nothing but a jock-strap. Light sabers don't faze me. I taught Tiger Woods how to swing a golf club, and Chuck Norris is my daddy. I designed and engineered the Eiffel Tower and the Sistine Chapel in 21 hours before selling the plans to Michelangelo, Maurice Koechlin, & Emile Nouguier for their souls.

I am going to Ecuador to grow as a person and gain self experiences by helping others. I hope this trip will change the whole vision of my future life."

As you can see, I have an amazing pleasure in being able to hang out with some extremely gifted youth.